one more to go!!!!

okok..... last paper to go... i have no idea if i can pass anot but who cares? all has been done and said... and now only can wait.... sigh... hopefully i can make it this time..... so after last paper goin melbourne.... for holiday and also to work la... goin to see my high skool friends which i miss so much... though i also miss my friends in m'sia SUPER LOT!!!!! sigh.... hold on hold on.... soon soon.... missing duckie so much ler.... hehehe and schnoodle too!!!!! okla... back to study wei! i can do it... one more only one more!!! gambateh!!!!

destress ah destress ah

need to destress... ok ok get a grip.... i can do it!!! i can do it!!!! in a certain point of time... u know u're stress when even in ur dreams u are dreaming of things that is of no factual reason but lots of bull period! heehehehe... we were so stress idreamt about trying to take an lrt with my sister to sunway piramid (dun ask me why) and my other friends dreamt bout getting beat up but the natives here.... hehehehe... signs of stress... not to mention if my books could talk they will be yelling at me for flipping them too much..... two papers are down got 2 more to go one's tmr morning... how am i ever gonna wake up for tmr is a miracle.... but i really dun not wish to retake that subject.... can't believe that ever since i've been here i've never drink more redbull or coffee in my entire life than now.... hehehehe.... i can't wait to go home... really miss everyone back home and want to see them so much... not to mention my baby doggie at home too... heard so much about it from my mum.... really want to see him again..... sigh... still have another year to go.... wish i can shortcut..... sigh.... okla.... dun wan to bored u guys liao... besides.... i hear my books calling me..... time for round two.... *ting*! back into the boxing ring with my books... need to battle with it to understand.... hehehe.... ciao ppl!!!!

I'm So Scared!!!

SIgh... SIGH!!!.... hm.... exam is coming soon and i'm so terrified.... i can't understand what i'm reading.... AHHHHHH!!!!! so need to get a grip on myself!!!! jus really pray that God will help me through....sigh.... these are the times i feel dispare and maybe just maybe i'm not as great as i know i can be... maybe i'm jus NOT good.... sigh.... hope things will be better.... so many things in like hanging...dunno what's gonna happen.... jus waiting....waiting for things that i can't control come into place... whatever happens Lord.... u're in charge...that's nothing i can do now...NOTHING!!! sigh....

evicted!!!

sigh.... life is unfair but what can we do.... 2 weeks b4 my finals n my reapplication for my housing is denied! not that i'm a bad tenant... jus that i didn't socialies enough... sorryla if i have to study... shot me coz i need to graduate and work... like i dun have enuf problems now... need to put on me the resposiblility to find a new place to stay... all b'coz? i dun party with them??? stupid reason to denie ppl of accomodation dun u think?... now have to find another location thats near to uni n my work place.... sigh.... worried bout my safety also now... been complaining liao for about 2 whole days... still not enough i really dun like this kind of stuff especially when it's so near exam.... another headache coming on... need to lay down now.... idiots!!!!! IDIOTS!!!! eeeeeeeeee...........

when times are stress

Flying
Standing at the edge,
I can see the city beneath my feet,
Wondering what it's like to fall into the busy streets,
Letting go of everything I've held close in my life,
And for once...just learn to fly
Would it be painless?
Will my memories flash before my eyes?
How would it feel like dancing vertically in slow motion,
Would it be beautiful from my point of view?
Or will horror and fear prevail?
Taking in an air of estacy as i'm trying to omprehend this,
I can feel my courage soaring now as the need for peace creeps desperately into my soul,
Nothing in the world could prepare me for this,
The beauty of falling into an eternal rest,
Where neither presure nor expctation exist,
No more pain,
No confusion and there it will remain.....
Peace....
Only peace.....

just something i wrote a long while ago to release stress.... poetry can help release stress eventhough it will not happen... hehehehe was trying out a new genre of poetry inspired by you... hehehe....

MY TURN?

hm.... wondering when my turn will be.... to find the guy that u wanna wake up next to everyday... the kind u'll love to hate yet without him... ur heart will break... the kind who will give up he's heart to you and love you like ur the only thing in the world.... the one i'll be with for the rest of my life....but it will all have to wait la.... too busy and tired to keep it at the moment....

4am

How hurtful can love be,
It ends with a few words,
Yet its effect lasts a lifetime,
It's joy only a moment,
But it's memory forever
How i would wish to erase what it has done to me,
To forget it's pleasure,
To be rid of it's pain,
A woman's love knows no bounds,
Yet a mans betrayal will kill her soul,
This is what love can do,
To either give life or take it away
For men cannot live without love,
As fishes without water,
A creature in need of company,
We are a species in need of companionship,
And as i lay here awake at 4,
I should not hurt anymore,
No I should not,
For that part of me,
Is already dead

GRACE!!!!

OK peeps! this is a little update on wat happen in grace ball... cool rite? i was dancing the venice waltz as a presentation... love u all muckx!!!!

Music TAg FUn

The rules laid out are:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on Shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Write any comments you have after the song name.
5. Tag everyone who’s linked to your blog (those reading this entry included too!) and get them to tell you when they’ve done theirs, so you can both laugh at each other’s “misfortunes” or “coincidences”! =D

If someone says "is this okay?" you say?
Unstoppable by The Calling *coolness =P!*

How would you describe yourself?
Rehab by AmyWinehouse *oh no! since when do i have an alcohol addiction? hehehe...my daddy thinks i'm fine... and it's true... i dun have the time...hehehe *

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Anak ayam by too phat *hm... like a guy who likes chicks? hehehe... yup yup certainly like straight guys...duh!!!*

How do you feel today?
Big girls don't cry by fergie *hm... yea... i am a big girl now... and i dun cry anymore*

What is your life's purpose?
a spanish song by son by four & jaci * no idea what they are singing so can't tell u my life's purpose.....*

What is your motto?
Love me like the world is ending by ben lee * hehehe... yes people... better love me like the world is ending... =p!*

What do your friends think of you?
I'm moving on by rascle flatts *hm..... i dun want them to move on from me!!! ... i love u all so so much!!!!! *

What do you think of your parents?
Sorry, blame it on me by akon *sorry mummy n daddy for being a naughty girl and not living up to what we had in mind*

What do you think about very often?.
Nothing's changed at all by the calling *trying to convince myself that everything is still the same when it's not?*

What do you think of your best friend?
My cinderella y lil romeo *aww.... she is a cinderella... deserves her prince charming!!!! *

What do you think of the person you like?
I can love you like that by all for one *i can love him like that?... hehehhe if he want i can...maybe.....*

What is your life story?
Chariot by gavin degraw *hm....ur golden waves are walking down on this face...i'm singing out loud... give me ur strength? *

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dedebu Cinta by misha omar *so sad one.... bertabur and berlalu...debunga pilu pergila bersama rinduku....tinggal la cintaku yang luka semula...*

What will they play at your funeral?
one by one by the calling *er..no comment sound so saddistic *

What is your hobby/interest?
this is the air i breath by mercy me *breathing is my hobby...but i like sleeping more ler..*

What is your biggest fear?
somebody out there by the calling *being alone and unloved*

What is your biggest secret?
beautiful girls by jojo (her reply to sean's song) *i might have caused a few broken hearts*

What do you think of your friends?
shake yer body by gerhana ska cinta ft too phat *my friends ROCK!!!*

Dreams n thoughts

Here's what my dreams are...

i want to dance - to express myself thur my body... to feel the songs flow through my soul onto my feet and to jus move to the rhythm in a beautiful movement
i want to sing - to sing my heart out... to mean every word and to feel like in my soul... to sing the tunes and carry it as if it is my own... to sing like how it was meant to be sung
i want to live - to live life always being joyous... meeting people and always try to impact ppl i meet
i want to love - to give my heart n take all risk accociated with it and to jus care with all my heart not worrying about if it will be returned a not
i want to draw - to hold a pencil and sketch all the images and art in my head that i see... to express myself not only in body but also thru paper
i want to take pictures - to allow others to see how i view the world.... to capture a certain beauty in things which seems most ordinary and overlooked...

i really dunno why i'm studying accounting at the moment since all i wan to do seems really into the arts side... hehehehe but i guess in time we'll find it out

till then.. HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY M"SIA!!!!

Good Girl? Bad Girl?

Sorry for the emo-ness..... hav u ever feel that u're not good enuf? that u've done something so bad that u somehow feel it's unforgivable n u jus wanna be left alone down that path which u know will lead to misery but u jus wanna walk in it coz u know u're not good anymore? i feel that way... like i've done some stuff that i feel it's unforgivable and that i'm ashame of n i jus wanna be left alone to walk down this path of destruction.... i can't explain why i feel this way all i know is i'm in too deep to let it go... i jus want him... i know he's no good for me... i know i can do better but at this moment i jus want him... i know he used me... i know i can never be happy with him... but for this moment i wish he was here with me.... sigh... i know i shouldn't miss him.. but i can't help it.... i do miss him and i miss him badly... oh my... someone pls knock some sense into me!!! sigh....i think i might jus have turned into a bad girl....

Broken.... finally

sigh.... "u'll never know what u have till it's gone" this is a quote that has been reminding of the slight pain of a memory i have now.... not to mention the countless songs that sings about love torn apart....i'll have to admit that i'm a bit if not alot of a saddist... i kinda like the intense of feeling apart from the one u love... yet... it's so painful and most, many a time u wish that person wat jus here with you..... i need someone to love.... maybe then i won't feel so lonely.... yet the process of knowing someone n letting them know u n then deciding if u should get together a not... seems..so... LONG... u know like forever... i'm like so tired of having to go thur that initial stage over and over and over again.... maybe that's why to a certain degree i much prefer arrange marriages.... so fast n easy... MARRIGE first then fall in LOVE.... sigh... committement bound... learn to love each other thru it all...

When u hate work

Working now is like a drag.... everytime i go to work is a day when i feel like crying... i can't really explain but when it happens i really hate working.... but always at the end of the day i will find a reason to stay and continue to work... the only reason i still work there is coz i believe if u can take the shit they are giving my now i can do it later in the future... though it is not a good reason to work in a place you hate.... it's not giving up on it that makes me stay.... the customers also give me much relieve to see them smile n to talk to some of them makes this job worth working... i jus wish they would treat me a little better... everyday this semester is like battle... struggling to constantly put up with people who look down on me and put me down with their words and action... sometimes i feel so tired... trying to win over and over and over again... to prove to them that i can do it.... it is a struggle.... but i know in my heart is only i can take this battle one day at a time... i will survive and when i do.... i know i can survive anything... it's not "the how many timesu fall down" that counts its the "how many times u get up when ur down" that makes all the difference... and i know i can make it... patience amanda....patience.....

SOLUTION!!!

Finally bought a wheeler bag to carry all my textbooks..hehehe.... enjoy the pics of my new bag!!

A Bug!!!

HAve you ever wondered why some ppl just get to you?
sigh... like a bug that is always disturbing you... this ppl jus get to you and you have no idea why! WHY!!!! hehehehe... so mang ler.... dun understand how can these ppl jus find the rite way to creep into your skin and get to you... wish i can squach the feelings like a bug...eee....

Definition of men n women...a profund truth

hm... so went to church on Sunday and ironically the pastor was talking bout marriage... it was an eye opening experience to me coz it gave me my first in look on the tragic knowledge of how Australians think about marriage... and how liberal they were about the matter... i guess growing up in a secure family i never knew the majority truth that is currently in the world... anyway... he said a few things that personally i felt were so true and that i wanted to share with you...

a man defines himself with the contribution and performance he gives... let me explain, a man, any man has ego... be it big of small...it's there and generally a man's definition of self in thru the contribution and performance he does or bring to the relationship or work... when we as women pick on their contribution, it hurts their self definition thus making them feel unappreciated and unloved....

a woman defines herself thru the health of the relationship she has with the man.... this is found it a profound turth... i've always been afraid of becoming a super possessive gf and the truth is, i've became a little when i realise that the health of my relationship was insecure.... this to me was something that i finally understood.... i though i was jus being a whacko but now i understand why whenever i get or almost get into a relationship i feel very insecure and have a needy side... not because i'm a whacko but it was because i as a woman was define by the health of my relationship and it's because the relationships health was unstable...i became unstable... hehehe... at least now i know i'm normal... hehehe... so yea... it was profound and i really hope one day my husband and i will know this truth and know what i need and i will know what he needs...

thru this insight... i learn to "Stroke a man's ego" once a while and to let him know that he's contribution is knowledge.... so on goes my life of waiting for the Right moment to arrive... until then... i'll still be preparing for him...

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS!

EEEEE...... banyaknya buku kena beli...... not like u'll use it forever..... one subject has many as 3 textbook thicker than my bible wei!.... money all flying liao =( not like it's cheap as well... $200 for one subject... wahliao convert is like RM600 wei!..... but wat to do... at least got secondhand... now jus trying to figure out how to get those books to class... doesn't help that i usually walk to uni.... hm... maybe i should get a small wheeler bag.... sounds potential.. i shall go shop and see.... sigh.... money going again..... hehehe... so dilemma... hope i'll be able to get all mytextbook in time... so lazy to go find and buy it... really reluctant to buy them... okla..gtg sleep! 8am to 5.30 pm class... see ya soon! ciao

Will He be Back?

And she awakes to find him beside her asleep on the coach overlooking at her, he looks so cute when he sleeps.... and she loves the way he cares so much about her... will he ever know the truth about how she feels towards him? it's a pity that he'll have to leave her, and in her mind she started to question why everyone she cared about somehow ended up walking out on her.... she's in tears now... without her realising the need for him to be with her is so evident... she wished she could hold him.... wished to be in his embrace and stay in that moment forever but alas... soon.. reality will strike and she'll be left alone again... wondering if he'll ever be back for her.... he said many things.... things that would make any women's heart flutter but she will not believe it..she refuses to believe a single thing he says until he comes back for her.... yet she'll remember... yes she will remember... ever single word he said.... not coz it meant anything but because she really wants it to be true... and then she reaches out with tears burning the side of her face... to touch him while he's asleep... to confess her feelings towards him... in a silent stare and motion... to feel him for one last time.....


it'a a pity he had to go home.... we only known each other for a while yet.... i wished we had a chance to know each other better... will see each other again i hope.... till then take care my friend whereever u are....

Dissapointed but moving on...

So i randomly joined a business competition... worked my ass till the final 4 and loss... it was dissapointing.... i admit i was a sore loser... when home early to dwell in depression and loss out on receiving business cards from future employers....darn! =( sigh.... i do feel depress... i really kinda hope i would win... but alas... maybe i was jus not good enough.... but all's well that ends well... i got to keep tons of friends... whom i really love them all.... and got to build confidence in myself... i found myself a bit more after this competition and am now more focused and determine to start my own company... i'm still afraid of failure... but am trying to recover from it... heck i might jus join again next year to prove to myself that i can do it..... jus gotta learn how to pick myself up again..... now... gotta consetrate on uni stuff like studies.... the african day i'm organising and mamak nite as well... i jus thank God he helped me thru... i'll jus let things flow for now.... He'll have to be my guide.... thanks GOD... for EVERYTHING!!! love u lots!!!

mising u all lots too!!!
mandy

UPDATES again!!!!

alrite.... just got my results back and so far out of 4 subjects i got 3 distintions and 1 high distintions.... though i must add their distintions are 70 - 80.... so i did quite badly by "my" standards la.... the other one i got 90 so am superbly happy bout it though it was managerial accouting which like i did 3 different versions of it liao counting thi one.... next sem is gonna sucked as there will be Taxation (well known BORING subject), External Reporting (well known hard core subject + BORING...who ever knew that there is so much freaking theory in accounting man), Law Corporation (baby tell me liao that it's all statues and therefore lotza memory work + BORING) and lastly Personal Finance (which has no reputation at all.... hm... should i be worried bout it?)

not to mention i'm offically a contestent in BUSINESS ICON WA 2007... which is a business competition like the Apprentice only in a shorter time period (5days) n a harsh elimination technique (team that loses in the various task gets kicked out of the competition till the last team remains where then they'll compete as individuals) which starts on the 25th July 2007 till 30th July 2007.... shit scary man...

i'm also running and organizing the African Day for an event called "multicultural week" in october which i haven't even started yet!!!! =0!... and maybe... jus MAYBE... will be running AMS (assoiciation of Malaysian Students) "mamak nite'

i will also be most probably working next sem... AH!!!! how am i gonna do it?... gotta be SUPERWOMEN.... hm... keep it together n we'll see how... will update on my soon to be freaking busy life.....

Getting Rid of the skeletons in my closet...

As eminem sang a song about skeletons... maybe i should jus lay everything out now... it's been like my whole life since i truly let it out.... "note to readers - this is jus from my point of view..wat is say now is only gonna last for a few moments after that i'll be my loving self again so no worries.... it may not all be true but wat the hack...i have the rite to be angry sometimes ya? "


i hate you... i can't believe after 2 years i still hate you... i dun think i've throughly express how much i do hate you and her.... but mostly you... for hurting me after all that time... shit u didn't even have the heart to break it to me slowly when u first realise it wasn't me u loved.... shit you.... **** you.... and i truly thought at that time that you were matured enuf.... i can somewhat see that i was wrong.... life after you sucked.... it sucked to the point of almost death... i couldn't feel anything, i couldn't do anything and i felt as if you've left me to die... the pain was unbearable and there were so many times i contemplated sucide..all i ever did to was to forget....all sorts of ways to forget... trying to drink away my life, pour myself out into work... my whole life was ruin and my future was left dangling on a thin string...at first i remember that i always blame myself for letting you get to me.... i was so sure it was my fault that you left me so cold.. .. i was sure of it.... though i did not blame you out rightly... i blame myself inside... and it ate me up... i jus couldn't remember who i was or what i was before i met you... and i always scold myself coz it was jus a short-term thing yet it affected me so badly.... i was puzzled, i was confuse but most of all i was mad coz i couldn't get ovet it as easily as you did.... i tried my best to be friends... but all it did was deeping the wound i made myself....so i took the easiers way out and i ran...everytime u spoke of her... i winched.... coz it jus reminded me of the knife that was still locked in my heart.... and though it might not seem like it, but thru it i grew up... and start to not give a damn bout what u or anyone think about me anymore.... i'm living for myself now... but the scars are yet to heal... what u've made me feel all those years ago still remain as a memory... n there now is a new fear... a fear of being hurt again like how u did it... i'll never know how the other girls recovered from it nor will i understand how someone u thought u loved so much could ever hurt you so bad... to realise after so much emotion that was poured out that it wasn't you whom they loved but another that you've actually met and trust....but i guess we knew it all along...there was meant to be no future for us...but why did i did it anyway? i'm still in awe about it... how did it happen?... i have no freaking idea...seriously.... it was all too surreal....but all i know it's that its in the past and now i'm happy... it took me a while to get here.... but alas i'm here.... but i still dun want to see you and if i do...i'll bring someone along to give me the strength to face you.... either one of you... but thanks to my real friends...i've been able to recover and now there's him... hehehe... not so much of him coz we aren't anywhere ready to go anywhere.... but he's my friend now... n i won't make the same mistake as i did with you.... he's wonderful.... not exactly great.... but good enough.... he's been there for me so far... and i'm thankful for that....to a certain degree different from you....then again.... i didn't really know you did i?..... still the past remains unchanged but all i can do is look back and thank GOD that i survived one of my lifes minor tragedy.... i hope you've changed too... jus pls dun dissapoint me... u've done enough of that already....

there its over!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! and now life continue as normal... hopefully....

seriously ppl... dun take this post seriously k?..... thanks

What I wish I could be like

so feeling a bit out of place and so hm... i guess this is really what i kinda hope to have as a personality....


i wish........
i was more quiet (so i won't say all the wrong things when i speak)
i was more beautiful (mature beauty that hopefully would be timelss)
i was more humble and teachable ( so i can learn more from everyone around me)
i could sing better (so i can sing n not feel inadequate)
i could earn more money (so my parent dun have to work so hard)
i was smarter (so i dun have to study so hard)
i was more hardworking (so i dun have to study so much)
i was friendlier (so i can have more friends)
i could open up more to people (so other people get to see the real me)
i could love and trust like other people (instead of hiding behind someone thats not real)
i could get someone to love me (so that i won't have to keep on getting jealous of other people)
i could be more self-sufficent and independent (so i won't have to be jealous even when i dun have a bf)
i could know who i truly am (so that i can understand the defination of myself)

nothing is more important than knowing who u are... i'm just at a pit stop now.... finding myself... it should be all ok.... i hope it'll be ook.... i know it'll be ok...... right?

Duckie!!!

So... i know this is so silly... i couldn't help it.... i was bored... and i needed a soft toy... hehehe so i got one to replace my teddy back home... hehehe.... n he's name is... DUCKIE!!!! specially named due to the obvious fact that it is a duck... or is it a platupus? hm..... and also after somebodyla who's too busy for me liao..... =(...... hehehehe... i feel so lame now.... =p!

hehehehe duckie close up

such a poser with duckie

me n duckie

hugging duckie tightly...

MORE UPDATES

Posing Posing and Posing

coz its quite bored here so... i took lots of picture of me, myself and i.... however, being a bad photographer... only a few came out... hehehe newa... i know how many of u wanna know how i'm doin and how i look like... so here are some pics of me u can save and look at me when u miss me!! *aw* hehehehe.... (i look tired n worn out btw) hehehe...

how i currently look now....

posing again! trying to look cute *cough* cough*

me posing... AGAIN!!!!*sigh* only like the lighting though... hehehehe

ME 21st BIRTHDAY!!!! not much happened but it was a good day

in another pre-b'day party... my other bunch of friends

cooked dinner n this was my b'day cake!

strawberry cheesecake.. it was good!

thanks sophia, wey yiing n all others!!! >_<

The Rest of my flatmates thought that baileys would be a great gift

hehehhe... we ended up eating baileys with ice-cream the whole nite n

washed it down with some sweet wine... hehehehe

thx! Chiraq, niken, arif, david, yuth, omar!

My B'day gift... from dilli... my china flatmate!

it was a body shop's compact mirror n lip balm

Some of my friends

-sham, san san, sandra-

FINALLY!!!

Ok....so i finally when to uni to update my pics for ur enjoyment.... hehehe... this is a place i went to called the pinnacles.... its a place full of lime stone in all weird kinds of shapes in the middle of the desert... it cost like $ 47 for the trip k.... just to go see stones... *sigh* but i got to go for free....won some contest.... it seems.... hehehe... enjoy ....

p/s i know i gain weight k..... =(

The Place

Hehehehe... u know wat it looks like

Me in a pinnacle

me siting on a pinnacle

Me ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!

the View as a Whole...breathtaking.....!

UPDATES!!!!

OK so i get it that many people wanna know how i'm doin... so sorry peeps.... i just dunno what to write about... maybe partly i'm scare if my mum found out all i did... hm.... hehehhe... naughty la.... hehehe so jus some updates so far

Finishin my last paper tmr.... (law contract) again!

about 3 more semester got to go thru

doin a degree in Bacholer of commerce double major (Accountin n financial planning)

currently have 3 jobs....(dun ask how i do it)
a)chinese restarunt (pay penuts)
b)Indian restarunt
c)promotion job

Results.... still pending

still very much single (NO cuTE GUY HERE) either that or i'm fussy

erm... staying on Campus

Rooms A mess!!! (as usual)

BOught a Camera !! (Finally)

Am 21 now (so OLD!!!!)

Attending Ps. Neil Smith's (from Planet Shakers) Church one and a half hrs bus from my house

currently is winter

Miss my friends Supa Lot!!!

Having Holidays soon and am planning to work my ASS off to EARN LOTS to shop in M'sia

well that's bout cover everything for now... hehehe not much social life at the current moment... will update more for u peeps... PROMISE!

P.S can't post pics coz the uni blocks uploading and downloading stuff... SORRY

As autumn ends, it's the beginning of winter

sigh... as i'm currently freezing my ass off... dah la kan tak boleh tahan sejuk kat m'sia sini lagi teruk... autumn is ending soon and winter will take it's place... the tempreture can drop till 6 and knowing how i hate cold... i jus cannot tahan all those early morning coldness... but on another note... been feeling super emo... dunno why and jus feel like gonna break down soon..(not good).. guess my world's been turning upside dwn since last year.. with so many changes in my life like church, life, college... i'm jus still trying to figure myself out... trying to figure who i am what i am and wat i want to be... it's not easy when u've been building an image of urself for so many years and in a year everything change n u realise that u have to build urself again.... i really dunno where to start or how to do it...and i feel lost....forgetting who i was before this and wondering how to get myself back.... so i indulge myself in work and by focusing on things that are easy to figure out like studies but i can't denied there is still something missing..... inside..... my identity, myself.... still trying to find for it....

Sometimes the past is hard 2 forget

well.... as i sit here in my room listening to emo chinese songs (dun ask me why i'm listening to it eventhough i dun understand what they are singing).... i've been just thinking these few days about my life... everything in it high school, college, friends, crushes, lover.... all these that is important to me and affect me.... hehehe.... many things have happened in 21 years of my life, friendship being put to the test, high school drama, college drama, innocent confessions of crushes and heartbreaks... all this have made me who i am today... hehehe i can honestly say that i'm no longer the amanda that walked in the threshold of life college a few years ago... so many things that have constantly put me to the test and have forced me to grow up... do i have regreats? i think i do jus tat i can't seem to remember them.... and do i have longing? yea... there are a few things i still wish i had or i still want and am hoping for it.... weather those things are good for me a not... i can honestly answer that i dunno and i dun think so... but those stuff doesn't matter.... what matters is now.... what am i gonna make use of my time now to continue to grow.... as a person... so many failures have taught me to try harder and tells me that there's nothing i can't do if i put my mind to it.... but there's still a long way to go... my race is not over and i know that there will be many more failures and challenges around the bend for me to face and my only hope now is that whatever that i'm about to face... i will be able to come out of it victorously.... so... as i'm about to go grab my dinner.... hm.... i miss u all lots!!! *muck*

mandy ;p!

PhOtO$

Leaves indicating autumn

Side view of a small part in campus

Front view

One of the buildings on campus
(they have around 50 + buildings here)

W@tCh@ up 2?

yo peeps!!!

so due to unpopular demand, I've set up a blog account so that u all....whether u like it or ... can view wats happening to me down under ( sounds so wrong) hehehe... but newa... have to let u all know first that it's a bit busy here so if i dun update for a while... my sincere apologies... life here is not too different i mean... i still eat, sleep, study, party, drink and met whole bunch of new ppl.... maybe the biggest difference so far I've encounter is the language barriers and the fact that I've no car to drive anymore and am force to depend on my 2 feet to bring me everywhere....other than that... the campus is HUGE!!! and it can be tiring walking to classes... the biggest and hardest decision i have to make so far is believe it or not.... which church i want to go to.. i mean got so many choices here you're practically overwhelmed by it! not to mention the fear i have of walking into a cult church and not knowing it's a cult! hehehe not to mention that i have also been studying most of the time trying to keep up... so yea...tats all i have so far for my first entry... got lots more to share will put it up the next time.... see ya peeps... missing u all lots =p!!!