As autumn ends, it's the beginning of winter

sigh... as i'm currently freezing my ass off... dah la kan tak boleh tahan sejuk kat m'sia sini lagi teruk... autumn is ending soon and winter will take it's place... the tempreture can drop till 6 and knowing how i hate cold... i jus cannot tahan all those early morning coldness... but on another note... been feeling super emo... dunno why and jus feel like gonna break down soon..(not good).. guess my world's been turning upside dwn since last year.. with so many changes in my life like church, life, college... i'm jus still trying to figure myself out... trying to figure who i am what i am and wat i want to be... it's not easy when u've been building an image of urself for so many years and in a year everything change n u realise that u have to build urself again.... i really dunno where to start or how to do it...and i feel lost....forgetting who i was before this and wondering how to get myself back.... so i indulge myself in work and by focusing on things that are easy to figure out like studies but i can't denied there is still something missing..... inside..... my identity, myself.... still trying to find for it....

Sometimes the past is hard 2 forget

well.... as i sit here in my room listening to emo chinese songs (dun ask me why i'm listening to it eventhough i dun understand what they are singing).... i've been just thinking these few days about my life... everything in it high school, college, friends, crushes, lover.... all these that is important to me and affect me.... hehehe.... many things have happened in 21 years of my life, friendship being put to the test, high school drama, college drama, innocent confessions of crushes and heartbreaks... all this have made me who i am today... hehehe i can honestly say that i'm no longer the amanda that walked in the threshold of life college a few years ago... so many things that have constantly put me to the test and have forced me to grow up... do i have regreats? i think i do jus tat i can't seem to remember them.... and do i have longing? yea... there are a few things i still wish i had or i still want and am hoping for it.... weather those things are good for me a not... i can honestly answer that i dunno and i dun think so... but those stuff doesn't matter.... what matters is now.... what am i gonna make use of my time now to continue to grow.... as a person... so many failures have taught me to try harder and tells me that there's nothing i can't do if i put my mind to it.... but there's still a long way to go... my race is not over and i know that there will be many more failures and challenges around the bend for me to face and my only hope now is that whatever that i'm about to face... i will be able to come out of it victorously.... so... as i'm about to go grab my dinner.... hm.... i miss u all lots!!! *muck*

mandy ;p!