lead me to the cross

Focusing on God can never be an easy task as we grow up, with multiply commitments and expectations, it almost seem impossible to always focus on GOD... it's funny how God uses brokenness to get our attention to focus on him... and that's somehow the only way he gets my attention... it's a bad habit, i acknowledge it... he should get my attention more than just through brokenness and i'm working on that... sometimes i jus hate the world, how it distracts our attention always... sometimes i really wish i can jus be with him my whole life without being worried about assignments due and exams... but jus stay in the room, on my knees, in he's presence forever.. sounds lot like heaven but it has always been my secret wish, to have a secret place and have him bring me to my knees and jus be in love with him over and over again. be rid of myself, i belong to you... this line in the new song in hillsongs album, is one line i love, a totally abandonment of our own life, identity and will into a total state of surrender to HIM! the great and majestic creator of the universe.... have i told u how much i love him???? SO SO SO SO much... sometimes... my heart aches when i did not spend time with him... i love him SO MUCH...

i will tell u all something now.... it was a Sunday afternoon about 1.15pm... i was about to have an audition for my Aussie's church (Zion) search for a star. and being the zionolympics the morning before this Sunday, i shouted so much... I've actually lost my voice... major sore throat...i hardly spoke the whole morning much a less attempt to sing... needless to say i was upset, can't believe that this one chance i finally get to do the thing my heart really wants to but never found the courage to do about to just go down the drain. and it was in this moment of desperation that i called for my other friends who was doing this item with me to pray... it was just the two of us... a PK and a missionary kid. she was warming up for her dance while we talked about how God places in our hearts for the creative ministry and how he kept us from being prideful with our gifts. and then we started to pray.. at first.. i already knew something was up with the spirit but i didn't say anything, i thought that it will just go away.... but it didn't and as we prayed more... the spirit was heavier and more real... my heart began to ached and it was like a burden was placed upon it... i started to cry... mourning but without a sound and taking deep breathes whenever i could before crying n mourning again.... i have n idea what was happening but the spirit was so real and he was so there... it was like a comfort, like a piece of God's heart entering mine... like a union of hearts, to understand He's heart and how he feels and sees and perceives and understands us. and i suddenly understand the inspiration behind the song beautiful. i could feel the pain of all woman's heart not feeling beautiful and the love God pours out to let us know that no matter how much we chance on the inside or out, we're his forever and than when the king of kings says that we are timeless beauty's who never changes but only grows more and more beautiful, he really means it. its no more an hypothesis, it's a fact, a truth that most if not all girls in this world have no idea of. i can't begin to explain how much pain God has in he's heart when he sees us not believing that we are beautiful. and i will admit that I'm one of them... i never believe that I'm beautiful and till this moment i have to admit, there is still doubt about that fact... but u know what? i will continue to pray that he'll help me believe coz no matter what the world says or do.... he is the one i want to believe in more than anything.