WHY???

Sigh... been sleeping with my bible beside me... it's not a bad thing but the reason it is beside me leaves me to ponder what's goin on with me.... i pray hard every night now.... things goin through my mind have the capability of driving me insane... not to mention the emtional tug of my heart... that's another issue to deal with... and that's why my bible is beside me.. i'm hoping to find answers... all the answers in my heart that i'm silently questioning... and it's engulfing me.... really want to talk to GOD directly... wonder if he'll answer all my questions or do i have to wait... i hate waiting... been doin that for 22 years..... one really can get tired of waiting... especially if out of 22 years 20 years was under good behavior yet i question my blessing.... n the only thing my heart wants.... he refuse to give it to me.... it's a thorn in my side... then again... i should get used to it by now... it has always been a thorn at my side.. for freaking 22 years... i've waited... do u hear me LORD? can u see this breaking heart that is about to give up hope? won't show me compassion n pity on me? 22 years... have i not been obedient? Pls LORD... jus show me the answer... jus one answer....