Definition of men n women...a profund truth

hm... so went to church on Sunday and ironically the pastor was talking bout marriage... it was an eye opening experience to me coz it gave me my first in look on the tragic knowledge of how Australians think about marriage... and how liberal they were about the matter... i guess growing up in a secure family i never knew the majority truth that is currently in the world... anyway... he said a few things that personally i felt were so true and that i wanted to share with you...

a man defines himself with the contribution and performance he gives... let me explain, a man, any man has ego... be it big of small...it's there and generally a man's definition of self in thru the contribution and performance he does or bring to the relationship or work... when we as women pick on their contribution, it hurts their self definition thus making them feel unappreciated and unloved....

a woman defines herself thru the health of the relationship she has with the man.... this is found it a profound turth... i've always been afraid of becoming a super possessive gf and the truth is, i've became a little when i realise that the health of my relationship was insecure.... this to me was something that i finally understood.... i though i was jus being a whacko but now i understand why whenever i get or almost get into a relationship i feel very insecure and have a needy side... not because i'm a whacko but it was because i as a woman was define by the health of my relationship and it's because the relationships health was unstable...i became unstable... hehehe... at least now i know i'm normal... hehehe... so yea... it was profound and i really hope one day my husband and i will know this truth and know what i need and i will know what he needs...

thru this insight... i learn to "Stroke a man's ego" once a while and to let him know that he's contribution is knowledge.... so on goes my life of waiting for the Right moment to arrive... until then... i'll still be preparing for him...

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS!

EEEEE...... banyaknya buku kena beli...... not like u'll use it forever..... one subject has many as 3 textbook thicker than my bible wei!.... money all flying liao =( not like it's cheap as well... $200 for one subject... wahliao convert is like RM600 wei!..... but wat to do... at least got secondhand... now jus trying to figure out how to get those books to class... doesn't help that i usually walk to uni.... hm... maybe i should get a small wheeler bag.... sounds potential.. i shall go shop and see.... sigh.... money going again..... hehehe... so dilemma... hope i'll be able to get all mytextbook in time... so lazy to go find and buy it... really reluctant to buy them... okla..gtg sleep! 8am to 5.30 pm class... see ya soon! ciao

Will He be Back?

And she awakes to find him beside her asleep on the coach overlooking at her, he looks so cute when he sleeps.... and she loves the way he cares so much about her... will he ever know the truth about how she feels towards him? it's a pity that he'll have to leave her, and in her mind she started to question why everyone she cared about somehow ended up walking out on her.... she's in tears now... without her realising the need for him to be with her is so evident... she wished she could hold him.... wished to be in his embrace and stay in that moment forever but alas... soon.. reality will strike and she'll be left alone again... wondering if he'll ever be back for her.... he said many things.... things that would make any women's heart flutter but she will not believe it..she refuses to believe a single thing he says until he comes back for her.... yet she'll remember... yes she will remember... ever single word he said.... not coz it meant anything but because she really wants it to be true... and then she reaches out with tears burning the side of her face... to touch him while he's asleep... to confess her feelings towards him... in a silent stare and motion... to feel him for one last time.....


it'a a pity he had to go home.... we only known each other for a while yet.... i wished we had a chance to know each other better... will see each other again i hope.... till then take care my friend whereever u are....

Dissapointed but moving on...

So i randomly joined a business competition... worked my ass till the final 4 and loss... it was dissapointing.... i admit i was a sore loser... when home early to dwell in depression and loss out on receiving business cards from future employers....darn! =( sigh.... i do feel depress... i really kinda hope i would win... but alas... maybe i was jus not good enough.... but all's well that ends well... i got to keep tons of friends... whom i really love them all.... and got to build confidence in myself... i found myself a bit more after this competition and am now more focused and determine to start my own company... i'm still afraid of failure... but am trying to recover from it... heck i might jus join again next year to prove to myself that i can do it..... jus gotta learn how to pick myself up again..... now... gotta consetrate on uni stuff like studies.... the african day i'm organising and mamak nite as well... i jus thank God he helped me thru... i'll jus let things flow for now.... He'll have to be my guide.... thanks GOD... for EVERYTHING!!! love u lots!!!

mising u all lots too!!!
mandy

UPDATES again!!!!

alrite.... just got my results back and so far out of 4 subjects i got 3 distintions and 1 high distintions.... though i must add their distintions are 70 - 80.... so i did quite badly by "my" standards la.... the other one i got 90 so am superbly happy bout it though it was managerial accouting which like i did 3 different versions of it liao counting thi one.... next sem is gonna sucked as there will be Taxation (well known BORING subject), External Reporting (well known hard core subject + BORING...who ever knew that there is so much freaking theory in accounting man), Law Corporation (baby tell me liao that it's all statues and therefore lotza memory work + BORING) and lastly Personal Finance (which has no reputation at all.... hm... should i be worried bout it?)

not to mention i'm offically a contestent in BUSINESS ICON WA 2007... which is a business competition like the Apprentice only in a shorter time period (5days) n a harsh elimination technique (team that loses in the various task gets kicked out of the competition till the last team remains where then they'll compete as individuals) which starts on the 25th July 2007 till 30th July 2007.... shit scary man...

i'm also running and organizing the African Day for an event called "multicultural week" in october which i haven't even started yet!!!! =0!... and maybe... jus MAYBE... will be running AMS (assoiciation of Malaysian Students) "mamak nite'

i will also be most probably working next sem... AH!!!! how am i gonna do it?... gotta be SUPERWOMEN.... hm... keep it together n we'll see how... will update on my soon to be freaking busy life.....

Getting Rid of the skeletons in my closet...

As eminem sang a song about skeletons... maybe i should jus lay everything out now... it's been like my whole life since i truly let it out.... "note to readers - this is jus from my point of view..wat is say now is only gonna last for a few moments after that i'll be my loving self again so no worries.... it may not all be true but wat the hack...i have the rite to be angry sometimes ya? "


i hate you... i can't believe after 2 years i still hate you... i dun think i've throughly express how much i do hate you and her.... but mostly you... for hurting me after all that time... shit u didn't even have the heart to break it to me slowly when u first realise it wasn't me u loved.... shit you.... **** you.... and i truly thought at that time that you were matured enuf.... i can somewhat see that i was wrong.... life after you sucked.... it sucked to the point of almost death... i couldn't feel anything, i couldn't do anything and i felt as if you've left me to die... the pain was unbearable and there were so many times i contemplated sucide..all i ever did to was to forget....all sorts of ways to forget... trying to drink away my life, pour myself out into work... my whole life was ruin and my future was left dangling on a thin string...at first i remember that i always blame myself for letting you get to me.... i was so sure it was my fault that you left me so cold.. .. i was sure of it.... though i did not blame you out rightly... i blame myself inside... and it ate me up... i jus couldn't remember who i was or what i was before i met you... and i always scold myself coz it was jus a short-term thing yet it affected me so badly.... i was puzzled, i was confuse but most of all i was mad coz i couldn't get ovet it as easily as you did.... i tried my best to be friends... but all it did was deeping the wound i made myself....so i took the easiers way out and i ran...everytime u spoke of her... i winched.... coz it jus reminded me of the knife that was still locked in my heart.... and though it might not seem like it, but thru it i grew up... and start to not give a damn bout what u or anyone think about me anymore.... i'm living for myself now... but the scars are yet to heal... what u've made me feel all those years ago still remain as a memory... n there now is a new fear... a fear of being hurt again like how u did it... i'll never know how the other girls recovered from it nor will i understand how someone u thought u loved so much could ever hurt you so bad... to realise after so much emotion that was poured out that it wasn't you whom they loved but another that you've actually met and trust....but i guess we knew it all along...there was meant to be no future for us...but why did i did it anyway? i'm still in awe about it... how did it happen?... i have no freaking idea...seriously.... it was all too surreal....but all i know it's that its in the past and now i'm happy... it took me a while to get here.... but alas i'm here.... but i still dun want to see you and if i do...i'll bring someone along to give me the strength to face you.... either one of you... but thanks to my real friends...i've been able to recover and now there's him... hehehe... not so much of him coz we aren't anywhere ready to go anywhere.... but he's my friend now... n i won't make the same mistake as i did with you.... he's wonderful.... not exactly great.... but good enough.... he's been there for me so far... and i'm thankful for that....to a certain degree different from you....then again.... i didn't really know you did i?..... still the past remains unchanged but all i can do is look back and thank GOD that i survived one of my lifes minor tragedy.... i hope you've changed too... jus pls dun dissapoint me... u've done enough of that already....

there its over!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! and now life continue as normal... hopefully....

seriously ppl... dun take this post seriously k?..... thanks

What I wish I could be like

so feeling a bit out of place and so hm... i guess this is really what i kinda hope to have as a personality....


i wish........
i was more quiet (so i won't say all the wrong things when i speak)
i was more beautiful (mature beauty that hopefully would be timelss)
i was more humble and teachable ( so i can learn more from everyone around me)
i could sing better (so i can sing n not feel inadequate)
i could earn more money (so my parent dun have to work so hard)
i was smarter (so i dun have to study so hard)
i was more hardworking (so i dun have to study so much)
i was friendlier (so i can have more friends)
i could open up more to people (so other people get to see the real me)
i could love and trust like other people (instead of hiding behind someone thats not real)
i could get someone to love me (so that i won't have to keep on getting jealous of other people)
i could be more self-sufficent and independent (so i won't have to be jealous even when i dun have a bf)
i could know who i truly am (so that i can understand the defination of myself)

nothing is more important than knowing who u are... i'm just at a pit stop now.... finding myself... it should be all ok.... i hope it'll be ook.... i know it'll be ok...... right?